Pretty Little Ditties

The TTC

2010-06-02T22:09:00.007-04:00

Sweat beaded off Harry’s brow. His hands were shaking, but only slightly. His heart pumped adrenaline. He grabbed the gun and made a go for it. The voice in his head was clear and unflinching:

This is it, no turning back. Fuck everyone that stands in my way, and if I go down, they’re sure as shit coming with me. Lazy ass motherfuckers... it’s time someone makes a stand against incompetence and indifference in this city.

The problem was that the gun was empty. Harry didn’t know it. Upon buying the gun and ammunition earlier in the day, Harry went back to his apartment and gleefully played with the weapon for hours, jumping around corners and blasting imaginary enemies in training for his destiny. In his frolic, he forgot to load the 9mm FMJ.

His plan was to murder every public transit employee he could find in a blood soaked frenzy. The cops picked him up handily within ten minutes; no one was harmed. Upon his release from prison, he purchased a bus pass.

Mirrored Progression

2010-05-06T15:53:00.016-04:00

Steve says:

"Hey Gary, you're a gay right?"

Gary says:

"... No man, I'm straight.
Dudes are definitely not attractive to me, at all.
Well, they can be attractive but I wouldn't do stuff with them.
I mean, er..., I guess if a girl was there, I'd consider a double team.
Or if the dude was really feminine, I might be down. Maybe.
Like, some dudes are really attractive, for sure.
... Yeah man, I'm gay."

Gary stops.

"That's cool, I really thought so"

:says Steve

Zombies!

2010-04-20T23:24:00.010-04:00

It's no secret this world is in need of a good zombie invasion - do I dare say, even an apocalypse? This would accomplish two objectives: solve the problem of overpopulation, and allow the survivors to spend their days having an absolute BLAST. ...unless of course you're surrounded, beaten, and slowly eaten alive by flesh-eating zombies.

Who hasn't dreamt of ditching the mundanity of everyday life in favour of a simpler and happier existence? Driven by the bonds of family, friendship, camaraderie, and our love for Hollywood movies, our daily routine would be decidedly spiced up with the thrill of bashing in the heads of undead punks. Mowing down WAVE AFTER WAVE of mindless evil! Which caliber rifle would you pick? Don't feel bad about killing zombies; though they were once reasonable human beings, they're a lot meaner. Flesh eaters!

Maybe heaven is the zombie apocalypse with unlimited ammo.

A Modest Proposal

2010-04-20T22:20:00.002-04:00

ROBOTS DON'T NEED LOVE. THEY ARE MECHANICAL DRONES DESIGNED TO DO OUR BIDDING. THEY SHOULD ALL BE ENSLAVED FOR OUR OWN COMFORT AND AMUSEMENT.